So hes stopped making an effort because it doesnt matter. We have been together for almost a year. I am tired of him not making a plan and his sudden switch in personalities. I really love him and care for him. Now, I dont know all the details of this, but I would say that hes pushing you away unintentionally while trying to cope with the loss of his father. And if you need help deciding what to do about a boyfriend who isnt making an effort in your relationship, you can share your story in the comments section below. I realized he got into gaming with a girl for a long time. I felt confident with my decision to part. I absolutely abhor talking to anyone ever. We do not even live together and he puts no effort, and I think throughout the years it would get worse if we get married, or live together. second: (and here is the big thing!) Because I love him, i did. He says he loves me but I dont see him actively showing his love. Girl what? I really love him and he is my first. Maybes its best we leave it and not have to try so hard with the next person. I leave him love notes and make him dinner all the time and he doesnt match my effort. I love my partner but I just feel like Im too smothering to him, I thought this was how you ought to be in a relationship. If so, you have to trust that your relationship can handle this temporary lull in affection and attention. I finally had to let him go. He just replied by saying he didnt have any money. I have brough up some of the issues and he acts clueless and doesnt know what to do. I still feel like he is lacking in effort in me and the relationship. It just makes me feel so not good enough for him. This past year has been a struggle, and I dont know what it means. Because honestly when I do he always comes back around. He will see what he lost. When your message doesnt have a question mark in it, he might not realize that youre waiting for a reply. he is the most amazing boyfriend i have ever had or so it was a little while ago. Why doesnt he ever randomly surprise me, try to plan out dates, put a lot of thought into gifts, etc. Hello, Thank you for creating this platform. He is a mental health counselor and I am a registered nurse. Hes just happy having me in his life because Im supportive and loving but I dont see much effort on his side except when he really wants to do things he really likes. I just dont know what to do. Life is to short to live on a roller coaster. He did say that we wont be able to talk as much cause theyve got people over and he did apologise before hand but I really cant stand him disappearing during our lil catch-up session to play games,without telling me. I dont feel that he supports me in my decisions on things. He is so patronizing and cold and arrogant towards me like now he does not need me since he was opened up and exposed to all these new awesome, smart, relatable people. I felt neglected and like he stopped trying in our relationship. My BF is of course devastated and angry. I feel like I could spend my life with him if it were not for one issue that has always popped up. But loves to act as if what Im saying isnt logical. If every word out of your mouth is an insult, a critique, or disparaging remark, your behavior is toxic and negative, and no one, least of all your S.O., wants to hear it. He sent a text yesterday telling me,he is still with me and will always be with me,he loves me and needs me,but he is still a bit distant! I have been with my boyfriend for over 7 months now. Hi Ella. Write in your journal or diary, or share in the comments section below. But he still makes no effort in even recognizing relationship milestones like anniversaries, but he has done romantic things for the girl he chased for 6 years. He is not a bad person, his life I guess doesnt have room for me..This decision has however, broken me, I know it was right but it still hurts I just hope I wasnt expecting too much??? While he was living with his mom he got a job and was so focused on that..he didnt talk to me as much anymore. It could be that your partner is losing interest and doesnt know how to communicate that with you," says marriage and family therapist Lynsie Seely. Its more to the story but I just want to vent that.. hey girl wake up,do you want to spend the rest of your life living like that? Then make him work for you! all in all, i just feel underappreciated, mistreated and im angry and resentful towards him all the time. Do you have an suggestions on what I should do? The sex? He also said he wouldnt be going into the shop that sold the tea I needed. We were fine for the first 6 months, then with this virus we havent been able to see each other. Maybe hes too heavy into the party, drugs, and alcohol scene. In fact, because you are so young, they will most likely find you when you least expect it. I dont know if Im being dramatic but its just hard sometimes when you feel like you love someone more than they love you. When you feel as though your partner isn't giving you the attention you deserve, it can be incredibly frustrating, confusing, and hurtful. We cuddled and played video games until 5 am and they took me home. Damn this just made me cry because this is exactly what Im going through rn. Any thoughts ppl? I feel sad when I see these things and feel left unheard and unseen by my so-called partner. He is a very patient and calm person. I was dipping into my bucket to bring him up but I wasnt getting anything in return. 3: like he hates me so much and it wont be long or difficult for someone he likes better to come along and replace me. he is a loyal person i know that but hes too self centered and he makes me feel like im not important. I just wish he would care more. My issue lately is, he will tell me he will come to my house on Saturday after work, then later he will call and say he has to go get his dogs and pick them up. im still giving him a 100 up till today. I have a lot of questions, but no answers. But still hes everything I want and need. If I were you Id take a break and keep your heart open for a new partner who is more compatible with you and whos needs match with yours, at least whos match a bit more than he does. We havent been fighting everyday. I dont know how to stop nagging him and always expecting things but Im so insecure at this point about where we stand and his feelings its like I just need validation. I feel like he doesnt love me as much as he used to. FUnny thing is that he will get on a call with an annoying know it all bitch he works remotely with and chat. He said he did. Ive been with him since july 2020 and its been rocky but its resolved and yeah there is zero effort to hang out and i have to initiate everything. The last time I told him about him not making me a priority, he said felt he wasnt good enough for me. his excuse of not having quality time? And i couldnt forget it. He did go a bit out of the way for Valentines day but last week our first date night since my bday in Jan didnt go quite as well as hoped and as usual, despite saying well just finish where we left off later, that turned into never. My friends have been pulling their hair out trying to get him to help them plan my party and he ignores their texts. Hi My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years now and weve lived together for 3.5 of those years. I miss my best friend and I hate that it feels like maybe hes not missing me as much as I do. How did I give him permission? My future husband and I live 13 hrs apart.. Im slowly giving up but everytime i try to let go he acts like he rlly loves me and he wants me back. Im 47, and he is 57 now, and we have been together for 10 years now and have lived together for 8 years. And I would listen but then my insecurities would come back and were back to where we started. When I have tried to speak about it again, he makes me feel as if its my fault, when he doesnt see his change in actions are making me stressed and anxious. Is he back with me to punish me or hes still holding back because of the break up and I just need to wait? About me. I cut out all those smiley-faced emoticons he avoided and texted one-word answers sometimes, just like he would. I dont know what to do anymore. Think about your dream guy, and you will find him. Although I told him busy isnt excuse but he never changed his reasons, every time when I want wend the relationship, he replies straight away and tell me he dream about me, desire me etc. Im always the one organizing my life around his and making sure we see each other. And youll likely receive the same treatment. and I can say that I would of made more of an effort. Just know youre not the only one feelings this Im not sure what is going on because I confront him about it and he says he just hasnt been on his phone. I think I should take a relationship break but dont want to lose him. But whatever. He is a nice guy as a whole but its the fact he went out of his way for me a handful of times that gave me a little hope in this sudden realization of my feelings but recently he has completely shut me out. Also be prepared to lose him. My boyfriend is Lebanese and given the situation there (economic crisis, unemployment rate and poverty rate are getting higher), he began manifesting symptoms of an overly stressed man. It was great for a few months, but now the lock down is over (here in Europe) I feel like hes starting to make less effort again, prioritizing sports and friends again. i yearn for good morning texts or check ins throughout the day. Weve been together for almost 3 years and Ive stuck out the lack of attention for about a year and it really hurt. However, he has never been one to put in huge amounts of effort. I went through a period of unemployment and he was not emotionally supportive through this period. Need. Always honest. I encouraged him to ask for help through his cohort and luckily one of them came through and got him this great job at the investment firm he works at. I trust him and I wanna keep trusting him. Be careful when you hear those words. I feel stuck, tired and so vary heavy like every step I take is being pulled back by large bricks as everyone else passes by at a much faster rate. A. I have told him that I will be losing a lot when I move career wise. I could have written that. This time, it doesnt feel like it will. Dont know full dets but I know you deserve to be happy. He was telling me about his plan for tomorrow and I asked about when we are supposed to go out, he acted annoyed and commented I knew you would be worried about that really? He is not often visit to me. I waited though and suffered through almost being forced to move across the country when after he graduated and wanted a new job but couldnt find one- that was the only opportunity he had and was about to force me to uproot MY life, quit school, to go. That night at 1 am I snuck out and had his sis pick me up. But I needed to know if he still wanted the relationship with me because he has been so distant. P.S. You need to allow yourself to do something else. All you can do is give him space to love you the way he wants. My boyfriend of 3 years and I broke up recently, but within a few days, he decided he wanted to get back together to work things out. with me very quickly after meeting me. Especially no Valentines or birthday. I think this self reflection is important to ensure I dont repeat this again. work game sleep. Communication is not good. we are a college couple of 2.5 years now. He then told me about the basics, and then he let me hold on to him to avoid falling. He only got me a childrens bear . I wish he understood how confused and unloved this makes me feel. I just lack security in myself that I need to fill. He continues to text me daily, several times a day generally, and gets worried if I dont respond right away. I dont know what to do. He had a past and opened up to me about it and we were just a rlly good couple. Its just so sad because we have already talked about these no showing of efforts issue and up until this day it is still the same. You should definitely read the book why men love b*tches this really goes into depth on why men do that. He loves Instagram and has a fitness page, and is constantly posting pics on it and putting up stories of his everyday life. He never brought it up again so I decided time to move on, clearly he is not interested. 7) He thinks youre not interested and has given up If the guy who has suddenly started ignoring you was super interested not long ago but has apparently stopped pursuing you he could have decided to cut his losses. It can certainly take a negative toll on your relationship (and your self-esteem) if you constantly have to repeat yourself, you cant help but feel your S.O. I dont get any attention unless Im the first one to initiate things. You will end up hating yourself. Instead of being apologetic or understanding how disappointed I was, naturally he got mad because Im never happy and hes tired of just being here for when I want something so as you can imagine its now Sat night and it never happened because now hes mad at me for demanding things and pouting when I dont get my way. 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