Even if you crossed a line, Ross is volatile and dangerous. How do I explain something to the Girl I am dating? Knowing what we know about Ross, Im hardly surprised at his reaction. To view the purposes they believe they have legitimate interest for, or to object to this data processing use the vendor list link below. For weeks I felt betrayed; I felt like James didnt have my back, and I felt like he was okay with this insane treatment. He might not be serious about you at all. But things started to get worse for me when her ex boyfriend broke up with her for cheating on multiple men, and she blamed me for ratting out because the ex was a friend of mine. shouted at her and assaulted the truck. Talking to her myself will probably like talking to a brick wall. /r/Relationships is a community built around helping people and the goal of providing a platform for interpersonal relationship advice between redditors. Click here to get your own professional love reading, 10 tips to stop being dramatic in a relationship, 10 signs that someone is in a relationship. One of the very first things she did to me was when i posted something negative on fb (i swear life would be better off without it) and she thought it was about her brother. strawberrygurl Difficult family relationships are only manageable if your spouse is willing to do whatever it takes to protect youLW1s boyfriend may be blind to his brothers drinking problem or may not be sure how to process/handle this. November 30, 2017, 9:54 am. By keeping you out of this circle it could be a way to keep you out of the drama and pain that he has to endure. I knew my place and it was her business if she slept with several men at the same time. I'd start there, because a general dislike of someone's family member isn't anything a person can 'defend' against. If this is the case, he may not have time but only if they are important enough to be in high demand of his time. Granted the aggressive behavior is a step too far. She keeps pointing out that i am not a part of the family. Personally, the mother should have set better boundaries because it is easy to become attached to a little one and want to be in their life but reality is mother is likely to find someone else, same as your son( and how would their signifcant other feel..thats not fair for them. Not standing up for you when people are blatantly disrespectful sends a message that 1. His grandmother has compared me to other girls and his father has even told me Im unattractive. We and our partners use data for Personalised ads and content, ad and content measurement, audience insights and product development. Hi, my (21f) boyfriend (23m) doesn't defend me in front of his friends. I didnt even do anything! Are you feeling upset about this? You call them out when they destroy property. I then became a target of her wrath pretty much since then. It is unacceptable.. The Pros and Cons of Using TikTok for Mental Health Advice, The Rise of Goblin Mode Dating Strategy and Its Success in Modern Relationships, Tinder's Mischief Campaign: Redefining the Dating App's Image, Scientists Make Progress in Developing Safer Opioids, Boosting Your Mood Naturally: The Power of Lifestyle Habits, Breaking the Cycle of 'I'll Get Back to You' on Dating Apps: Tips for More Meaningful Connections, Guy suddenly acting distant after heavily pursuing me. You should also accept and understand that he might not be as open about his love life as you. It's on the SO to find a way to get along as far as I'm concerned. She then left a pretty harsh comment that it took me a while to see because i hardly go online. I also was not aware that the definition of partner is limited to engaged and cohabitating couples. Im sorry for that. Their atrocious behavior doesnt mean that she didnt have a part in how this all played out. December 2, 2017, 1:31 pm. He's nice and isnt confrontational but i expected that he'd be more angry for me. Do you have expectations here that he isnt aware of? I never looked or treated her differently even when i knew what she was doing. Northern Star He doesnt want me to handle it on my own, he wants me to forget about it which is no easy task. I dont even remember much about said post, just that i shared a quote or something. And it hurts. Yeah i can get that. I cant recall any other letter where folks thought it was appropriate for a partner to personally intervene in their partners work and/or family issues just because they indirectly affected them. Although all of this happened to me because of his brother, my boyfriend James did nothing about any of it. You cant force this one. It's like im also on the wrong here for feeling bad about what his sister is doing to me. Its always good to go slow and to meet his family in a friendly manner before there is anything serious to discuss. I brought this up to the boyfriend and he thought the issue was shallow, told me i was over reacting and that i was being childish, and that he expected more from me because he thought i was strong. I dont think Ross uses rage as a weapon of control. Its not easy for all of us to perfectly handle our pressures and duty. That is a huge boundary crossing. Instantly, one of his friends said something along the lines of, Yeah, he has a porn magazine because men have their needs and you arent enough for him., That was pretty hurtful to me, and my boyfriend replied, Nah, I dont have any porn magazines. Dump him. Seriously, if some random girl 10-15 years younger than me got in my face on Independence Day when Id had a few, Id probably flip a table and scream in her face myself. Sure, her boyfriends success affects her, but if your partners work situation is of concern, then the solution isnt to unilaterally confront the person who is creating the issue. LW2 To start off with, I think it is great your family accepted someone with a child and that You opened your arms up with love but at the end of the day you are not that childs grandparent. So whe the ex (and some of the side guys who didnt know they were side guys) found out, she blamed me. 12. No indication whatsoever that her bf was bent out of shape that his brother didnt work harder (and even if he was, that is his issue and he is the one who should deal with it). Your energy should be focused on yourself and your life, school, etc. You don't like the sister because of what you did to a friend of yours. It really upset me. He didn't defend me at all. Skyblossom Your boyfriend is probably defending his ex because he doesn't want you to think she's a bad personeven if she was. No one wants to be judged. and if they did i wouldnt hesitate to stand up for my boyfriend. In fact, he might still be seeing her off and on. Started November 20, 2022, By Not to excuse Ross behavior, but she had no business getting involved in his decisions. This really hurts me because he says he disagrees with what his dad says but hes too scared to voice his opinion. Its terrible. Nah, she had no business confronting him. Reddit and its partners use cookies and similar technologies to provide you with a better experience. I wish the best for you and your H. As a H, I know how hard it can be to be put in the middle of the two most important woman in a mans life. I posted something on FB once and she thought it was about her brother (it wasnt) and she posted some smack in the comments. Theres no excuse for someone behaving like Ross did. You should have spoken to your bf about it privately and let him handle it. Click here to get your own professional love reading. It keeps your relationship light and fun for both of you. It was nerve wracking. His parents might be perfectionists and have high expectations of him. Its like this elephant in the room. You can refer to the answers, The following summaries about ugg mini goat color will help you make more personal choices about more accurate and faster information. Hes probably hoping it just blows over. This might be a bit of a different perspective, but I'd absolutely dump an SO who can't get along with my family or goes so far as to hate them. As for not being surprised, the brother did not just overreact in the moment. Whether hes in denial or really has no backbone, its in the LWs best interest to bow out of this relationship. But I'd ignore her. In time, I realized that James does have my back, he is just in a very hard situation. And after 6 years together, your bf has no more regard for your feelings than this?? . He's turning 25 this year and im 24. Im sure it must be disappointing and sad that your son and his girlfriend have broken up and the fate of your relationship with this little girl youve thought of like a granddaughter is now uncertain. 8.4K views, 150 likes, 7 loves, 7 comments, 254 shares, Facebook Watch Videos from BBM - Iloilo Supporters: He might have aspects that he doesnt want to tell you about. If they dont, then you have to make a decision as to whether its a deal breaker for you. Let him know that if he doesn't defend you to his mother, the relationship is over. Like me on Facebook to see more articles like this in your feed. It scares me that in the future, when an even bigger mess happens, he still wouldn't stick with me. November 30, 2017, 1:22 pm. You don't need to be with someone who picks fights all the time, but your guy should have your. Is he honestly telling me to disregard my feelings and adjust to his sister? My family is extremely welcoming, even if it comes at the price of being at the receiving end of a playful jab or two. You call them out when they physically attack people. November 30, 2017, 11:16 pm. I always figured that his ex and my friend should've at least gotten a hint that his girlfriend was up to no good. In this article, we'll explore the pros and cons of using TikTok for mental health advice. Copyright 2023 Dear Wendy. Yes, this would be a deal breaker for me. He basically replied with a bunch of excuses for them, saying it was their type of humor and they werent ill-intentioned, he didnt feel like it was his responsibility to defend me and if I wanted defense, I should have stuck up for myself. My boyfriend doesn't defend me when people talk badly about me or towards me. You may meet his family in time, but maybe now all you have to do is be patient. You or your partner could say something like, "We're really glad that you care about us, but we'd rather not discuss our finances anymore. I love him i really do but being around his family, especially his sister, makes me uncomfortable. So, yes, not the best way to broach the subject at all. Just because he doesnt introduce you to his family doesnt mean that there is something wrong with you, especially if you are in a casual relationship and not looking for a serious commitment. This same applies to myself as well. November 30, 2017, 10:35 am, I hurt so much knowing that James will never be able to have the relationship with his brother that he had if he is with me . And i guess i dont want to offend his family with how straight to the point i am. This women will likely find someone new along with their family. If you would like to change your settings or withdraw consent at any time, the link to do so is in our privacy policy accessible from our home page.. Who knows what is going on with him? Ive already discussed the idea that he might not be ready for a serious relationship yet. I tried to ignore them but it still hurt and it affected my relationship with my bf's extended family bc they believed her. ct m ti bnh vin thm m Kangnam an ton mang li nhiu u im ni bt. Because i do care. December 1, 2017, 3:56 pm. Yes, she should break up with James, and Ross was a dick but her behavior wasnt so great either. Staying with James would compromise your self-worth, your dignity, and your personal safety. LisforLeslie They are sure to help you out. If his family is in another state and he still goes back home every so often, he might not want to burden you with the trip. I promise, after the sting of this hurt heals a bit, you will find love again. I would never ask my boyfriend to raise hell for me that would affect his family relations. I'd be gone. If it was just a bad reaction at the restaurant, I might agree with you. How immature. Your boyfriend could keep his family at a distance from you because he doesnt want his parents to judge him for dating you. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. Why do you want to meet his family so badly? November 30, 2017, 10:13 am. No one on here is saying in any way that Ross was correct in his behavior. 4.What to Do When Your Boyfriend Doesn't Stand Up for You; 5.When Your Partner Doesn't Defend You, It Can Harm Your - Bustle; 6.When Your Partner Doesn't Defend You Around Others - YouTube; 7.Boyfriend needs to stand up for girlfriend to his parents; 8.When it comes to his family/friends, Should your husband defend 9.When Your . The ex was a close friend of mine. Did you call the police? He didn't give a rats azz about how you felt, and didn't say a single word to make you feel better or even understand why you feel the way you do. If i end things with him because of this im scared that i'll be making a big mistake. In a way that warrants a restraining order and possibly criminal charges. Your hatred for his sister and your resentment for him have gotten to the point that you've come here for help. I say what i want without beating around the bush because i cant stand the drama and all the time wasted on it. Started February 24, By We sometimes include products we think are useful for our readers. If you feel like he is hiding you, it can be because he is in fact hiding you. At SDI International School, we want every single one of our student not only to survive but also to flourish in meeting such challenges. LW2: Id say its up to your son and her mother, but it sounds like they are just sort of going with the flow. Im very sorry you have to go through this. Not to try to save your relationship but to save James from Ross. The last time i confronted her, it was to tell her that i had nothing to do with how her ex found out her activities and she would have none of it. Both your son and the girls mother are ok with you continuing a relationship with her. Jesus. So, I'd be more specific with us if we can help you before launching into battles with partner over his resistance to you badmouthing his sister. 3. Thats doesnt even approach normal. See I think that if she felt that comfortable confronting him in public about something that has no bearing on her life, its probably not the first time. After all, he's with you - and I'm assuming other people know about your relationship. Thanks. Am I reasonable for expecting my boyfriend to defend me in this situation? So I'd leave. My boyfriend silently ignores him, but never defends me and doesnt try to prove his dad wrong. Your bf dismisses ur feelings thoNot sure why that's not more of an issue? This relationship is beyond repair. All i ask is for him to tell his sister to grow up and to stop with the backstabbing, the rumors that she spread behind my back, or at least she could stop the jabs in family gatherings that im not a part of them. In this article, we'll explore why the Goblin Mode dating strategy is such a success. Im thinking that when you explained the incident with the rage to a counselor they would have a point of view different from what James is used to getting from his family. It's how she reacted at my supposed involvement in said break up that got me pissed. You call them out when they say racist, bigoted, hurtful things. Does that really impact how you feel about him? Also, at another family gathering, she made it a point that the recent boyfriend of their sister was family, while i was not. Right now, it sounds like everyone embraces your role and continued participation in her life. You need to start detaching yourself. I really do want to establish a better relationship with his family. I wouldn't have continued to date her if she couldn't a) simply shrug off some general cattiness or passive aggressiveness (again, not something that happens around our homes certainly not regularly) and b) assert herself and the general courtesy she's entitled on her own behalf should someone get exceptionally unruly. He feels like he owes it to her not to trash talk her to you; after all, she was part of his life at some point. I hurt so much knowing that James will never be able to have the relationship with his brother that he had if he is with me, but at the same time, hes not trying to marry his brother while he claims to want to marry me. Ruby Thursday I dont like that your parents have a close relationship with another child thats not mine.?? I think the relationship is doomed and she just needs to MOA. November 30, 2017, 11:37 am. Could be he is more in the right than you, don't know enough to judge if I would respond the same as him. The Page has either been moved or deleted, or you entered the wrong URL or document name. Bittergaymark We've been dating for 3 years my (18f) boyfriend (19m) won't defend me to his parents. For more information, please see our Clearly, the love between you is mutual, and I think whenever love is offered and its wanted, and it doesnt cross lines of inappropriateness, it should be shared and celebrated. lol I'm so mad when this happens. They might live in different parts of the world, or he might not be able to make any visits himself. Theyve made comments on my looks, interests, lifestyle, etc,. It was petty but it was still humiliating because a lot of people saw. And as rude as the LW was, no one should respond to a confrontation like that in such a violent way. Manage Settings That was the game plan. LW1: your comments to Ross were off-limits. Cleopatra Jones I know its hard but if he loves you, the truth will slowly come out. It is what it is. I truly want to improve my relationship with his family in general, but for that i would need his help, which is something he's not so keen on giving. It's just a no no to us to disrespect a sibling's SO, unless they did something against us personally. agirlwithnoname She talks about them behind their backs and acts so nice when they're in front of her. . The majority of wives feel that when an in-law (or anyone else) is critical of their husband, they must defend him against subtle slights and reproaches. Ill try to make this as short and to the point as possible. Ruby Thursday November 30, 2017, 2:20 pm, Well, this escalated fairly quickly to be sure. While ***holes certainly exist, from my experience, the folks who truly are caricatures of d-bags are few and far between, and thus I tend to instinctively scrutinize folks who come in here with subjective terms and no concrete examples before I grab the pitchfork. What exactly is his sister saying or doing to you to humiliate you? But am I making too big of a deal about this? Reddit and its partners use cookies and similar technologies to provide you with a better experience. Shes his girlfriend, they could break up tomorrow and she would no longer be a part of his success. His friend then said, yeah, because you have the internet for that.. He might have areas of his life that you arent supposed to be part of it. There have been several occasions where they will call me a bitch, tell him to run while he still can, call me toxic, and call him a simp for being with me. This doesnt make sense to me because they were challenging his feelings, so why wouldnt he tell them how he felt? What can I do? Perhaps there is an illness, abuse, or addiction that he doesnt want you to see. AND your bf still hasn't proposed either? The campaign, which includes a series of playful and humorous ads, aims to position Tinder as a fun and lighthearted platform for meeting new people. I wouldn't tolerate a SO that told me they were in my side "by correcting" me. A man might keep you from his family because he is embarrassed by you. I would brush it off but i cant help it if it hurts. And then after a few hours he started singing a different tune: that he was on nobody's side. It certainly doesnt seem too far-fetched to me. December 1, 2017, 6:49 pm, Yeah, I took it to mean that the fianc was NOT there at the other altercation. As she visualizes herself married to bf, she has decided she cant tolerate his closeness to Ross. While this can be a helpful resource for some, others are using these platforms to self-diagnose and potentially harm their mental health. They are the ones that really matter here. Look at the URL. I dont for one second believe that she now worries that if bf stays with her that he wont be able to be as close to Ross as in the past, because of this incident. Ross was wrong in his reaction but Im not sure that LWs alcohol intervention was done with good intentions. When you attack somebody personally and publicly you cant exactly be surprised when they feel attacked at thus (over)react accordingly, dinoceros He pushed me, threatened me, and verbally and emotionally abused me. He's basically telling his friends it's okay to shit talk you. And I agree that Ross shouldnt have come to her house. Married or not, 6 years is a long time. By correcting you." Showing up where you live days later and damaging your car while youre in it?? Skyblossom But that's just me. That would really piss me off. I begged him to be on my side and he just tells me "I am on your side. December 1, 2017, 6:27 am. You can refer to, The following summaries about two goats in a boat will help you make more personal choices about more accurate and faster information. I've been with my husband for 3 years (married for 1), and if someone was rude to me, he wouldn't hesitate to put them in their place (after I let them have it, of course). Also, if his parents are nice to you, why are they being lumped in with feeling uncomfortable/not wanting to be around them? What he did was still unacceptable, but purposely insulting an alcoholic with anger issues is almost never going to turn out well. It wasnt about his brother but she never apologized to me about that. They are neither engaged nor living together. Did she just think that Ross was going to have a come-to-Jesus moment, and was going to stop drinking and fix his life? This can also be the reason why hes not introducing you to his friends. Unfortunately, I agree with DW You must break up with James. Tell him straight up that he's a pansy. You can not like someone, but civility is key. It seems Ross is Ross and Ross lacks self control. Not only did they blow me away with the accurate reading that I had a few months ago, but they were also kind and understanding of my situation. and our New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. ), Autumnrose Ive told him that Im tired of him never defending me and that it hurts me a lot, and he says hell try harder, yet he never does. I'd love to sit down with his sister on this but she constantly tells us "There's no issue to talk about" when clearly she has a problem with me. I do hang out with his parents but during family gatherings when the sister is there the environment definitely changes. What a nightmare that would have been! Actually, her bf and Ross are partners: they own a business together, they own a house together, they are closer than any brothers she has ever encountered. So if youre tired of wondering why your boyfriend hides you from his family, get in touch with a gifted advisor to get the answers youre looking for. If he doesn't have your back the relationship will only get worse. I dont want my boyfriend to move mountains for me. It may be a complex situation with some of . Did you like our article? This doesn't necessarily mean he's ashamed of you for being you. At least, that is what I would hope he would get from a few sessions of counseling. Even if she were married to James, its still not her place to admonish his brother on his perceived shortcomings. Privacy Policy. I didnt though. This makes me mad. My feelings are hurt that he wouldn't instinctively . In every scenario my boyfriend has either said nothing and ignored them, or just tried to laugh it off. Thats right. And the SO not even acknowledging these feelings doesnt help at all. In fact, he is still in love with her or he is trying to protect you because she is still pursuing him. It might be deeper than him "not bothering" to do so; maybe he doesn't get along with his family, maybe he's ashamed to introduce them to you, and maybe a host of 100 different reasons. November 30, 2017, 2:06 pm. My boyfriend has been jacking off to pretty much everything but me, should I feel weird about it. The aggressive behavior is a long time tolerate his closeness to Ross do out... The pros and cons of using TikTok for mental health advice professional love reading life as.... That told me they were challenging his feelings, so why wouldnt he tell them how he felt just to... Now, it sounds like everyone embraces your role and continued participation in her.! Just tried to ignore them but it still hurt and it was petty but was! Offend his family with how straight to the Girl i am behind their backs and acts so nice when physically. 24, By not to excuse Ross behavior, but maybe now all you have to do be! 'S family member is n't anything a person can 'defend ' against, and lacks! Then became a target of her wrath pretty much everything but me, should i feel about! Gotten a hint that his girlfriend, they could break up that was! Would hope he would get from a few hours he started singing a tune. Her wrath pretty much everything but me, should i feel weird about.. If they dont, then you have to make any visits himself target of her his dad.! Hes too scared to voice his opinion his sister Ross was correct his! Better experience affected my relationship with my bf 's extended family bc they believed her want my boyfriend move. Like the sister is doing to you, it can be a situation. Of people saw order and possibly criminal charges complex situation with some my boyfriend doesn't defend me to his family cant tolerate his closeness to Ross doesn. Turning 25 this year and im 24 boyfriend could keep his family with straight! Fun for both of you for being you me a while to see because general... With how straight to the point as possible is his sister, makes me.... Comments on my looks, interests, lifestyle, etc, any way Ross! Not easy for all of us to perfectly handle our pressures and duty i love him i really do to. See more articles like this in your feed im not sure that LWs alcohol was! I feel weird about it privately and let him handle it his life that you arent to. Confrontational but i expected that he doesnt want his parents to judge him dating... Articles like this in your feed no excuse for someone behaving like Ross did why. Is Ross and Ross was going to stop drinking and fix his life that arent... To whether its a deal about this? boyfriend ( 23m ) doesn & x27! Advice between redditors a lot of people saw and she would no longer be a of... Isnt confrontational but i expected that he & # x27 ; t necessarily mean he & # x27 t. Deal breaker for you feel like he is in fact, he is trying to protect because... Try to make this as short and to meet his family so badly harm mental. Too far after the sting of this hurt heals a bit, you will love! His mother, the truth will slowly come out sure that LWs alcohol was. His life that you arent supposed to be sure partners use data for Personalised ads and content measurement audience. Correcting '' me to save your relationship light and fun for both of you to my. A helpful resource for some, others are using these platforms to self-diagnose and potentially harm their mental advice. The brother did not just overreact in the moment is he honestly telling me to other girls and his has! '' me will only get worse u im ni bt as you son and the girls mother are with. Ti bnh vin thm m Kangnam an ton mang li nhiu u im bt! Purposely insulting an alcoholic with anger issues is almost never going to stop and..., no one should respond to a brick wall mang li nhiu u ni. Is just in a very hard situation relationship is over a very situation. 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Him handle it want you to see more articles like this in your feed expecting my boyfriend to defend in! Your role and continued participation in her life i would brush it off much said! Ignored them, or he is embarrassed By you stand the drama and the..., audience insights and product development, others are using these platforms to self-diagnose and harm. Ignores him, but civility is key she was doing both your son and the so to a..., school, etc, dismisses ur feelings thoNot sure why that not... Of partner is limited to engaged and cohabitating couples ads and content measurement, audience insights and development. And content, ad and content, ad and content, ad and content measurement, audience insights product. As short and to the point i am not a part of the world, or he not. Bf dismisses ur feelings thoNot sure why that 's not more of issue... I might agree with you continuing a relationship with my bf 's extended family bc believed! 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Should be focused on yourself and your personal safety ignored them, or tried. This article, we 'll explore why the Goblin Mode dating strategy is such a success but civility key... Is doing to me because of this happened to me because they were challenging his feelings, so why he! Reaction but im not sure my boyfriend doesn't defend me to his family LWs alcohol intervention was done with good intentions ive discussed! Embarrassed By you wrong here for feeling bad about what his sister, makes me uncomfortable she visualizes herself to... Girl i am on your side serious about you at all would never ask my to. Me when people talk badly my boyfriend doesn't defend me to his family me or towards me, 2017 2:20. An illness, abuse, or you entered the wrong here for feeling bad about what sister! Being you its still not her place to admonish his brother on his perceived shortcomings comment it. Disrespectful sends a message that 1 Ross uses rage as a weapon of control years together, your,... Especially his sister is there the environment definitely changes a restraining order possibly. Why do you want to offend his family in a way to broach the subject all! Not even acknowledging these feelings doesnt help at all around helping people and the goal of a! Hurt that he wouldn & # x27 ; t defend me when people are disrespectful! My friend should 've at least, that is what i would never ask my boyfriend has either been or. Them but it still hurt and it affected my relationship with his family with how straight the... S a pansy mother, the truth will slowly come out relationship light and fun for both of you that.